Life As We Know It

TFT Posts

So I'm slacking. Again.  I just thought I'd highlight the TFT bloggers this week.

Jessica: Kids being introduced to violence

Kristi: Grieving for pets

Holiday Traditions: Making it *magical*

I'm really bad at planning ahead for birthdays, holidays, baby showers, etc...  I usually end up grabbing something at the last minute, or getting a generic gift and putting little thought into it.  I wish I had the time and energy and willpower to be creative in these situations and make unique, special things to "spice up" the occasion.  Every once in awhile I pull out something great.  Every once in awhile.  A long, long, long while.  :)

Porter's 2nd Christmas is coming up.  As a parent, I really want to make Christmas really special and "magical" for him (and the new baby).  This holiday has, in recent years, become such a pain in my rear with shifting from family to family and trying to balance everyone we need to see. 

When I was little, Christmas always seemed really magical to me.  Some of the things I remember are:

• Listening to Christmas music all the time (especially Alvin and the Chipmunks!).
• Going to a tree farm and cutting down our Christmas tree
• Getting a new ornament every year (usually for Christmas), and when decorating the tree, looking at all our ornaments from years past.
• Going on special drives just to look for houses all decked out with Christmas lights
• Baking cookies with my mom and leaving them out for Santa with a glass of milk and carrots for the reindeer. 
• Spending Christmas Eve at my dad's parents.  I remember getting stockings and my sister and I would color and draw pictures. 
• We used to always get a chocolate advent calendar, which I seriously always looked forward to.
• Going to church on Christmas Eve for the candlelight service
• I remember anxiously waiting up Christmas Eve to "hear" the reindeer.  We always left our Christmas Tree lights on that night, and it just added to the magic. 
• Waking up way too early and finding our stockings and a gift beside it (usually a holiday bear or stuffed animal of some sort).  My sister and I would wake up and dig through our stockings while my parents slept. 
• Always getting an orange in the bottom of my stocking, which I never had any idea why but recently I found out there is a tradition about a Christmas Orange.
• My stocking was made by my grandma... the design on it was embroidered by hand (as was my sister and brother's).  Last year I found a stocking for Porter and my mom made his stocking, so we continued that tradition.  I guess I should find a stocking for the new baby so she can start on that!

Anyhow, I really want to start up some neat traditions of our own.  Ryan and I have continued the stocking and one gift from Santa (opened and sitting beside the stocking) tradition.  Last year we attended Westwinds *awesome* Christmas Eve candlelight service.  I look forward to that again this year. 

We've also added a few traditions of our own:

• Our gifts to Porter are kept to a minimum.  We follow the "4 gift rule" to this rhyme:  "Something you want, something you need, something to play with and something to read."
• This year I will help Porter set out cookies and milk for Santa
• This year I am going to do a 25 days til Christmas socks (scroll down when you get to the link) in place of the advent calendar. In each sock there will be a tiny gift/treat.  Something relating to Jesus, Christmas, winter etc...
  
• When Ryan was little he got new pajamas every Christmas Eve.  We're going to continue that as well.
• For most holidays/seasons I have books relating to that holiday/season and we have a book basket in the living room that we put the current books in to read.  I love buying books, especially from Scholastic!

Another thing I want to begin this year is having Porter pick out some of his toys to donate.  I want my kids to realize they are very, very lucky to receive new toys every year, and not take that for granted.  I want them to learn the gift of giving as well (and, it'll cut down on toy overflow!). I also think, when Porter is a little older maybe we'll take the kids to pick out new toys for Toys for Tots.

So... the reason for this post.  While I feel like I have a good base for setting up holiday traditions for Christmas, I wish I had "littler" things to do to make the holiday special.  Something that doesn't revolve around getting gifts.  I keep thinking about something with a note from Santa but I can't think of anything unique or "different."

Here are a few neat "magical touches" I found online:

• Santa's Bootprints
• Santa Clause Evidence Kit
• Personalized phone call from Santa!
• Personalized letter from Santa
• Track Santa Clause throughout the year
• 81 Christmas Traditions to do with your family

Anyhow... I'd LOVE to know what your traditions were/are.  Have you found/heard of any traditions that sound like fun to include?  What about other holidays?  Do you do anything special to make Thanksgiving special?  What about Easter?  I'd love to make Easter a little more about religion, but honestly we're poor examples of including religion in our everyday lives.  I read Porter his kids bible every night and we pray every night (nights that I put him to bed.  Ryan isn't "into" that), but other than that we just aren't all that religious and I'd love to include that more.  Like with Christmas... I'd love to include something religious into our Christmas traditions (other than just reading our Christmas books about Jesus' birth etc). 

So... fire away!

TFT: Chiropractors

Last night I lay in bed thinking about how my back and neck hurt and how great it would be to have an adjustment.  I couldn't wait till morning to wake up and call the chiro (which Ryan and I call "Cairo" as in... "You going to Egypt today?.... Yeah, my appt is at 4" HAHA!) and get an appointment for this afternoon.

Anyhow, I thought it might be an interesting topic (ok, maybe not THAT interesting) for TFT.   

See, before having Porter, I had gone to the chiro a few times.  But nothing regularly.  I knew of people who made it a regular (weekly or bi-weekly) thing, but I never felt the need. Around 16 weeks pregnant I had horrible back pains in my upper back between my shoulder blades.  I got in with a chiropractor and they wanted me to be on this "wellness plan" of going 3 times a week for a few months etc. Well, I went twice a week (or so) throughout the rest of my pregnancy and I really don't know how I would have made it without it.  If I missed a week, I could tell.  My back would hurt more.  My hips got out of whack and my SI joint started to act up.

Well, about 6 weeks ago I had that horrible migraine so I got in with a different chiropractor and have been seeing them about once a week.  I can really tell when I've missed my weekly and there are times when I sleep wrong and I call to get in that day and the second he adjusts me I am feeling 100% better. 

Anyhow... where am I going.  All this rambling!  Now, awhile back Jessica called me frantic about this article about chiropractic adjustments causing blood clots and strokes in patients.  I kind of freaked out, but never read the article myself so of course I wasn't about to swear off my saving grace through my pregnancy.  I think it was Jessica's physical therapist that was telling her that they didn't "condone" (is that the word?) chiropractic adjustments and that their belief is to train the muscles properly to help align the back (ok Jess, I can't remember our whole conversation it was forever ago, but I think thats what they had said, right?)

This just got me thinking... how do others stand on the use of chiropractors?   I know my chiropractors both have infants and children patients that they regularly adjust (think of all the running, falling, yanking, twisting, picking up etc that kids get), so they obviously feel that its just a part of the lifestyle such as visiting the dentist etc.  Do you use a chiro regularly?  Or do you just go when you feel "out of whack?"  Have you never been?  Are you against chiropractors?  Do you feel they're "bad" for your health or that its unnatural to manipulate the spine?

I'm not getting into all the detail/info that the chiropractors have told me about how every nerve that controls your body/functions runs through your spine and how just little misalignments can affect things like stomach issues, asthma, headaches etc.  I don't know enough about all that.  All I know is that I can tell when I need an adjustment (and it is definitely today!) and that the adjustments work wonders!

TFT: Family Nudity and names for private parts

(I wrote this post about a week ago... but since our funny little trip to Target the other day, I figured today would be the perfect Thursday to post it.)

I recently found a post on the iVillages "due date" board that sparked an idea for this TFT post.  The topic was this:  Family Nudity... are you comfortable with your kids seeing you and your hubby naked? 

I was surprised by the variety of replies.  Some said they have no problem... unless someone is uncomfortable or becomes uncomfortable, they are pretty open.  Some said once the kids start asking questions or naming body parts.  Some said once their kids were 3 or 4 they stopped the openness. 

Interesting to me. 

In our house, we are often found walking naked from the shower to the bedroom to change, or sometimes if I'm changing in the bedroom and I need laundry from the basement I'll walk through the house naked.  We have always done this in front of Porter, and while he does notice body parts, we don't hide it from him.  Porter watches us change. He usually hangs out in our room and plays on the bed.  I have no idea how long we'll do this for.  I guess I never thought about it.  I assume once Porter is older it would probably be uncomfortable for him to see his mom walking through the house naked.  Maybe not as awkward if he were to see Ryan once he's older, but who knows. 

Now, body parts.  This one is even more intriguing to me and I wondered if I'm "doing this right."  A few weeks back I was out with some mom friends (one with a baby, two have 4yr olds and one has a 5 year old).  Somehow we were on the topic of anatomy and what our kids call it.  I was saying how Porter knows what his penis is, and he will refer to it as that.  He's known to walk around the house "naked booty" and grab his penis and say "Penis!"  We jokingly call his butt his "booty" and if I'm changing in front of him he'll slap my butt cheeks and say "Mama booty!"  He knows my boobs are called boobs.  Just recently, he saw me changing, and pointed at the appropriate area and said "Mamas penis!"  I was a little stunned, and wasn't sure what to say.  Do I tell him the right name?  Well, I surely didn't want him thinking I had a penis, and surely didn't want him saying that in public.  I told him "No, Porter.. boys have penises. You're a boy.  Mama is a girl.  Girls don't have penises they have a vagina."  He stared at me blankly after that explanation.  He'll learn about it someday, why not sooner than later. (and... well... all this educating little dude ended up landing me in an embarrassing dressing room in Target HAHA!)

Back to the hanging out with mom friends.... two of my friends (with 4 and 5 year olds) said that their girls didn't know their female parts were called a vagina.  They just call them their butts.  And the moms refer to them as their butts.  As in "Wipe your butt in the front."  I thought this was a bit odd, but hey, whatever works. 

So, my questions for you this week:

• How does your family view "family nudity"?  Do you walk around uninhibited without thinking, or are you careful to not let your kids see you naked?  What ages are your kids?  Male/Female?  (And furthermore... what about moms/sons and dads/daughters being nude around eachother).
• What do your kids call their body parts? Do they use appropriate names or do you have made up names for them?  When did you teach them these names?  What ages were your kids beginning to notice body parts? 

Just in case there is any confusion

Here's an addendum to my TFT this week, spurred by Heather's psuedo response (basically copied from my comment, but I felt that maybe I should clear up any confusion here on my blog?)

The gist of my post was that we all have weak times as parents and that its okay to be human and have shitty days where we don't give our all. We can't be our personal best every day of our lives. And when we have those bad days where those types of behaviors are the best that can be mustered up, we shouldn't feel guilty about it and feel like we aren't being as good as so-and-so because they wouldn't dare do something like that with their child. Such as... I do play with my child, but there are days where I just don't have the energy or patience. I feed him healthy foods most of the time, but there are days where we're rushed and he just gets whatever. I talk to him on car rides, we sing songs, we have conversations... but there are days where he's too whiny and its just easiest to put in a movie.

So what if every once in awhile I am slacking in my own personal best as a good mom. So what if every once in awhile I can't be the best mom I should be for my son... we are ALLOWED those slip ups. Yes, we should always be trying to give the best side of ourselves to our children and set good examples for our children, but it is not possible to be and do that 100% of the time. THAT is the guilt we pose upon ourselves that we need to let go of. The guilt that so-and-so does it this way and so-and-so has it together much better than me and why can't I be like that, and why can't I not scream at my child when I'm pushed too far over the edge and why can't I always have a home cooked meal on the table and why can't I be happy with my children every minute of the day? Those things are the things we as mothers need to let go of and not feel guilty about. We all slip up at times, and its okay to do that.

Yes, in the perfect world we'd all be proactive rather than reactive. But, like I said, we have to learn to accept that we are not perfect and be okay with that instead of always trying to be a perfect parent, creating the perfect life for our kids and then feeling like shit when our life isn't perfect.

Other TFT'ers this week...

Check this out! 

Heather S. on toddlers and naptimes
Jess on "babysitting" dads
Heather M. on productive households
Jenny on eating well
Michelle on gender preference
Kristi on dying young
Jenny on organizing kids' bedrooms
Amy on the first year of marriage
Kasey on holiday traditions
Denise on getting pregnant
Ashley on just do it already
Zoe on (???)... I'm at work and can't get to her blog to see her topic LOL!

TFT: Perfect Mom Wanna Be

Jess has been raving about this book for the past week or so.  I'm definitely going to have to check it out after hearing her talk about it.  This is something that I think we all struggle with so much.  We all struggle with the guilt, the frustrations, etc of motherhood and we don't want to admit it because we think it will make us look like a bad mom.

Personally, I know I struggle.  I don't get down on the floor and play with Porter as much as I think I should.  He eats more junk food than he probably should.  I work outside the home and I'm ok with that.  He doesn't know all his colors or the alphabet yet.  I've been known to curse in front of him.  There are times I've been annoyed that I don't have as much free time as I want.  We don't sit down to meals as a family as often as I'd like.  I look at so many other mom's blogs and think "Oh I should/should not be doing that...they're a better mom than I am".  But why?  Why am I beating myself up over these things?

So what if he's playing with his trains by himself because I finally said no when he asked for the 3,242nd time today? So what if he's having cereal for dinner because I was too tired to actually cook. Does that make me a bad mom?  So what if I curse in front of my child every now and then?  Does that somehow make me a horrible person?

I've just started to realize I'm getting caught up in all the "mom judgment" that seems to come along with being a mom.  And, while in the past 20 months of motherhood I've felt the judgment being passed towards me, I know I'm guilty myself of passing it towards others.  I have to stop and realize that we all do what we need to do.  And, no matter what kind of mom I am, what matters the most is that my son knows I love him to the moon and back.  He is well fed, he has a roof over his head, a mom and dad that would do anything for him.  So what if we give in sometimes.  So what if we slip a little and aren't as consistent as we would like to be.  If there is anyone out there that can say they've never done the same, well let me just say I'd like to slap their holier than though faces and call a *BULLSHIT* on them.  No one is perfect.  I'm not.  You're not.  So, why pretend.  Why TRY to pretend?  Why get wrapped up in trying to perfect ourselves... it'll never happen. 

I've decided this....  there will be no more trying to keep up with the Jones'.  No more letting the way other people lead their lives somehow make me feel like less of a good mom.

"Hi there. I'm Nicole. I have a sink full of dirty dishes most days of the week. I don't always care to play out in the yard with my son.  Sometimes, he goes for days without taking a bath because, honestly, I really bath time.  Teeth brushing... well, there are many mornings I'm just too rushed to care and I let him do it himself even though I know he doesn't do it well enough. My husband and I are guilty of arguing in front of him.  Yesterday, he had Nilla Wafers for lunch.  I'm not the least bit interested in potty training him anytime soon. Today, he asked me to "play train tracks" with him and I declined and distracted him with a Little Bear show so I could blog.  I have been known to cuss in front of him, and worse... I've cussed at him.  There have been days I've flat out yelled at him over simple little things because I was at the end of my rope.  I've spanked him.  I let him watch too much tv, even in the car because it keeps him quiet on car rides... even short ones to Target or the sitters.  But, you know what... thats me.  Like it or not.  I love my son, and even though there are days I pretty much suck as a mom, thats how it is."

So... my Thoughts for Thursday is simple.  Who are YOU?  What are YOUR weaknesses?

Thoughts on Thursday... Child Safety Restraints

I know, I know... rolling your eyes at me again.  Many of you who are close to me know how anal and paranoid I am about car seats.... about the installation, the use, etc etc....  Well, lately this is something that has been on my mind a lot and I thought it might make a great TFT post...

I'd like to discuss car seats... no particular brand, but HOW you are using them.  First, let me outline the types of seats. There are a few "levels" of car seats, and how they should be used and what the weight limits are....

• The Infant seat... for use rear facing only up to 20lbs (some higher).
• The "convertible" seat.... can be used rear facing for anywhere from 5-35ish lbs and then forward facing from 22-40+lbs with the 5-point harness (some, like the Marathon and Safe Voyage go up to 55-65lbs).
• The forward facing only (harnessed) seat... These are for 22-40+lb children forward facing only.  Some harnesses go up to 65lbs.  After that, some seats can be used without the harness as a adult-belt buckling booster.
• The 'designated' belt buckling booster seat.  These are marketed for children 4yrs AND 40lbs and all the way up to 10+years old. 

Now, I've tried very hard to be well informed on what is safest as far as car seat use.  Here are some things I've found via research..

• It *IS* safest to keep your child rear facing until they reach the weight and height limit on the carseat (which is often 34 inches ad 30/35lbs).  Watch this crash test video if you don't believe that statement.  Now, Porter has been forward facing since he was about 14mos old.  He's not an easy rider in the car rear facing.  I recently tried RF'ing him again, but again, he's not an easy rider.  He fusses.  I can't hand toys back to him.  Anyhow, this decision is one I've really struggled with lately as I feel that RF'ing is so much safer. 
• Children should stay in a 5-point Harness seat for as long as possible.  *MOST* convertible seats the harness can only be used up to 40lbs, which many kids I know are close to 5yrs old and not quite 40lbs. However, there are seats out there that have higher harness weights if its needed... the Apex (65lbs), the FP Safe Voyage (55lbs), the Radian (65lbs), the Marathon (65lbs), the Regent (80lbs!!), Evenflo Triumph Advance (50lbs).  Having a seat with a higher harness weight would allow you to keep your child in a harness past 4 or 5 years old.  Many, many people choose to do this for safety reasons.  IMO, if they still fit in the seat, keep them in the harness.
  
• Booster seats should be used until kids are at least 4'9, 8 years or 80lbs. (I'm not 100% certain on all the laws for this... all states are different... we're not at the booster stage and NO WHERE near it.  I'll do more research once Porter is older. 
  
• The Mighty Tite is not a safety feature that should be used.  I literally worshiped my Mighty Tite until a few weeks ago.  I found out that most car seat manufactures forbid the use of the MT with their seats.  The Might Tite damages seat belts by over stretching the elasticity and I've heard of incidences where the seatbelt has actually snapped in two during an accident because of this overstretching.  I have since visited the Heath Department to have a certified technician inspect my install to make sure that I had the seat in correctly without the MT.
• Did you know that car seats have an expiration date of 6 years?  And, that date is from the date of manufacture, NOT the date that you purchased it.  The seat Porter has now I purchased online last fall (2006).  The Manufacture date was April 2005.  Its a luck of the draw when you buy a seat... you never know how long its been sitting there on the shelf.  So, that seat has just 3.5 years left to use. You can usually find the manufacture date on the side or back sticker of your car seat, or possibly in the pamphlet it came with. 
• Weight is not the only factor to take into consideration when choosing a seat.  You must also watch your childs height and make sure the harness is always in slots that are ABOVE their shoulders, never below. Oops... Denise added that rear-facing seats the slots should be at or just below the shoulder.  I didn't know that!  See, you learn something new every day.
  

Anyhow... in this TFT I'd like to focus on the use of 5-point harnesses.  So many people I know have put their children in belt-buckling boosters at ages as young as 3, and I actually think one friend has her 2.5 year old in just a belt buckling seat with no harness.  EEEK! They could STILL be in a 5 point harness even up to 5 or 6 years old, yet they are now riding in booster seats.  Last weekend my sister in law and I were discussing this topic and while my oldest niece is 4.5 and by "safety standards" she is old enough to be in a booster she still isn't at the 40lbs weight limit.  Lori had been thinking of putting her in a booster for convenience of transporting 3 kids under the age of 4, and after our discussion I hope I was able to give her more insight on why a 5-point harness is so much safer for kids. 

Let me share this video and story with you.  It breaks my heart.  Belle (almost 4) was in an accident with her mom and sister (7).  No one was hurt in the accident, except Belle. She was in a booster just a few feet away from her sister (in a booster also), but because Belle was too small she suffered internal injuries from the adult seatbelt and died that same day. 

You can read her story, about the accident etc. on her Legacy page.

I hope that by sharing that story and by any information in this post it will help someone make a more informed decision on what type of child restraint is best for their childs' weight/height. 

So, my thoughts today... how do YOU make sure your children are safe in the car?  What do you plan to do to make sure your child is as safe as possible?  What are your thoughts on the 5-point harness longer than 4 years/40lbs, and further... on kids riding in belt buckling boosters up until 4'9"?

I also thought I'd share a few helpful websites I've come across..

Car-Seat.org:  The message board here is VERY helpful.  Just a warning, they will suggest rear-facing your child if they are within weight/height, but they aren't rude about it.  They were so helpful when I was having issues trying to get my seat in tight without the Mighty Tite.  They are also very helpful in suggesting car seats to work with your car and childs weight/height etc.  VERY knowledgable. 

Crumbs in my Couch: This is a blog of one of the CPS (Child Passenger Safety) certified technicians.

Informed for Life: Vehicle crash test and fatality data.  The crash test data only begins on vehicles made in 2003 and newer, though..

Locate a Safety Seat Inspection Station

****************Other TFT Bloggers:*******************
Leslie: How anal are you about a clean house?
Jess: Kids and Junk Food
Jenny: Family dinners
Amy: Kids and toy guns
Michelle: Our dependency on technology
Kristi: Personality Types
Ashley: Organization
Heather: Swearing
Zoe: Kindergarten expectations

Wow... just when I thougth I had them all commented on...

I found a few more TFT blogs.

So, here is my updated list for this week:

Jenny on career paths
Heather on allowance for kids
Michelle on accountability
Kristi on the environment
Emilie on exercise
Zoe on the size of our bank accounts
Mary on the ladies room
Amy on cutting in line

and don't forget mine on Tantrums (again) and When is reality too much for reality tv?

Run's House

Awhile ago I watched a few episodes of Run's House and actually enjoyed it.  Today I was lounging around and saw that there were 3 episodes on in a row, so I started to watch it again and got hooked.  Its on DVR now.   If you haven't heard of this show, its a reality tv show about Rev. Run (Joseph Simmons) from Run-DMC and his family.  I just love to watch this family's interactions... the way they communicate, talk to each other, how close they are etc.  They all have such great senses of humor, and while the kids are a bit spoiled, they aren't obnoxious at all.  They seem like such a great family.  Anyhow, its on MTV... check it out, really.  Its great.

Anyhow, what my post is about is this....

Today one of the episodes I was watching had a social worker coming to their house b/c they were planning on adopting a 6th child (they have 5 kids from the ages 9-21ish).  I remembered in the episode prior that she was pregnant (she went to a doctor's appt), so I thought it was weird that in one she was pregnant and one they were adopting.  Also, in the social worker episode, the mom got emotional when the son was talking about her going to the hospital to have the baby. 

So, google, here I come.  Turns out, they did have a little girl, Victoria, who tragically passed away 2 hours after birth. (read the article I just linked) This was in the beginning of season 3.  The baby was born with a birth defect where her organs were on the outside of her body.  Run and his wife, Justine, knew about this from an ultrasound but did not tell MTV or anyone but their bishop.  They prayed and hoped that she would be born fine.  When the baby was born, it obviously was a surprise to MTV taping crew.  Anyhow, at this point they assumed Run would stop the taping of the show, but they wanted to move forward and share this tragic time in their life with everyone. 

As quoted:
The family and MTV faced a difficult situation, and a big question: when does reality become too much for reality TV?

For the devoutly religious Simmons, the answer was surprisingly easy. Simmons says that moment the baby was born, MTV asked if the family wanted the cameras turned off. Their answer: no. “How could I let the TV cameras in when me and my family were out bowling and laughing and not let them in when we suffering and grieving? Life does not work like that,’’ Simmons told NEWSWEEK. “And when we decided to do this show we knew it was going to capture the good and bad, the happy and the sad, and we were all OK with that.’’

"...This is what life is about. I may be famous, I may be rich, I may have bling, but tragedy comes to my door just as it does anybody else’s, and that’s a message that cannot be pressed hard enough in today’s society where celebrities are so much on a pedestal.’’’

What do you think about that question... "When does reality become too much for reality tv?  Do you agree with their thinking and decision to go forward with filming the show?" 

What are your thoughts on this.