Life As We Know It

TFT: Perfect Mom Wanna Be

Jess has been raving about this book for the past week or so.  I'm definitely going to have to check it out after hearing her talk about it.  This is something that I think we all struggle with so much.  We all struggle with the guilt, the frustrations, etc of motherhood and we don't want to admit it because we think it will make us look like a bad mom.

Personally, I know I struggle.  I don't get down on the floor and play with Porter as much as I think I should.  He eats more junk food than he probably should.  I work outside the home and I'm ok with that.  He doesn't know all his colors or the alphabet yet.  I've been known to curse in front of him.  There are times I've been annoyed that I don't have as much free time as I want.  We don't sit down to meals as a family as often as I'd like.  I look at so many other mom's blogs and think "Oh I should/should not be doing that...they're a better mom than I am".  But why?  Why am I beating myself up over these things?

So what if he's playing with his trains by himself because I finally said no when he asked for the 3,242nd time today? So what if he's having cereal for dinner because I was too tired to actually cook. Does that make me a bad mom?  So what if I curse in front of my child every now and then?  Does that somehow make me a horrible person?

I've just started to realize I'm getting caught up in all the "mom judgment" that seems to come along with being a mom.  And, while in the past 20 months of motherhood I've felt the judgment being passed towards me, I know I'm guilty myself of passing it towards others.  I have to stop and realize that we all do what we need to do.  And, no matter what kind of mom I am, what matters the most is that my son knows I love him to the moon and back.  He is well fed, he has a roof over his head, a mom and dad that would do anything for him.  So what if we give in sometimes.  So what if we slip a little and aren't as consistent as we would like to be.  If there is anyone out there that can say they've never done the same, well let me just say I'd like to slap their holier than though faces and call a *BULLSHIT* on them.  No one is perfect.  I'm not.  You're not.  So, why pretend.  Why TRY to pretend?  Why get wrapped up in trying to perfect ourselves... it'll never happen. 

I've decided this....  there will be no more trying to keep up with the Jones'.  No more letting the way other people lead their lives somehow make me feel like less of a good mom.

"Hi there. I'm Nicole. I have a sink full of dirty dishes most days of the week. I don't always care to play out in the yard with my son.  Sometimes, he goes for days without taking a bath because, honestly, I really bath time.  Teeth brushing... well, there are many mornings I'm just too rushed to care and I let him do it himself even though I know he doesn't do it well enough. My husband and I are guilty of arguing in front of him.  Yesterday, he had Nilla Wafers for lunch.  I'm not the least bit interested in potty training him anytime soon. Today, he asked me to "play train tracks" with him and I declined and distracted him with a Little Bear show so I could blog.  I have been known to cuss in front of him, and worse... I've cussed at him.  There have been days I've flat out yelled at him over simple little things because I was at the end of my rope.  I've spanked him.  I let him watch too much tv, even in the car because it keeps him quiet on car rides... even short ones to Target or the sitters.  But, you know what... thats me.  Like it or not.  I love my son, and even though there are days I pretty much suck as a mom, thats how it is."

So... my Thoughts for Thursday is simple.  Who are YOU?  What are YOUR weaknesses?

I made it... barely.

Both LeeAnn and I made it though our run without hyperventilating, without heart failure, and without passing out.   We started out walking, then ran for a bit (attempting to chat while doing so), and when we were out of breath we'd go back to walking.

About halfway through our run we said "Let's just run to the top of that hill and we'll walk for a bit".

Well, we started to run TOWARD the hill and as we began up it we were dying. Change of plans.  "Let's just walk up the hill, and we can run down it"   

As we got to the top of the hill we thought "Ok, let's run around this curve and to the next stop sign.  We began running. We got tired.  "Well, how about we just run until we SEE the sign" 

HAHAH!  Its hard work pushing a 25lbs kid in a stroller and running!

Anyhow, we ran.  We're going to attempt to run tomorrow also. I'm whooped.  I feel SO drained today. 

I have another post coming.  I wanted to separate it from this one.  So, I'll post again in a minute. 

It's 8:30am...

Wish me luck.

I'm on my way to a "mini session" with this family's one year old (I didn't get any *love love love* photos of her from their session). 

No, thats not what I need luck with.

Ohhhh no. 

At 9:30, Ryan' is dropping Porter off.  And the jogging stroller.  LeeAnn and Lukas are meeting us there and we're going to go... running.  Yes, I said it.  Running. 

Ohhhh lord.  I'm sure it will mostly consist of many short bursts of dragging our feet while heavily gasping for our possible last breaths of air inbetween gasping jaunts of walking to catch our wind. 

Remember my last attempt to "start running" again?  And the one before that? (which was interrupted by a little thing called pregnancy... paired with an over-cautious mom-to-be equals.... no more runnning).

Let's hope LeeAnn can keep me motivated.  And let's hope that pushing jogging strollers with 25lb toddlers doesn't kill us. This is my last ditch effort (omg is that even a real series of words??) at attempting to get in shape before throwing my body all to hell with a second pregnancy.